Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Threshold Game

I apologize in advance. Just read 700 pages of Bill Simmons, so I've started to think and write like him.

We've got a game going at work called "The Threshold Game." Basically, what's the lowest common denominator of doing something. Work Example:

Would you bang the hottest chick in the office, if you first had to bang the fattest (and I'm talking Mark Mangino-fat)? No.

Would you bang the hottest chick AND the 2nd hottest, if you first had to bang the fattest?

Would you bang the hottest, 2nd hottest, and nobody ever knew you banged the worst? Deal.

BINGO - that's how the Threshold Game works. Get it? You can use this for millions of situations.

Which brings up a subject I've debated for about 15 years now. What's the lowest level of basketball that would beat a WNBA team?

First, I'll give you a lame real-world example in which I participated. In 7th grade hoops, we scrimmaged the High School Varsity Girls team. We destroyed them, it wasn't even close. And A) we sucked, B) they lost like 3 games all year, and C) they wouldn't let us block shots. So, for context, a crappy 7th grade boys team rolled one of the best Varsity Girls team in school history. Rolled!

I think it's pretty obvious all NBA, and D1 schools would destroy a WNBA team. We'll even take the best WNBA team, the Phoenix Mercury (yes, I had to look this up).

Next, lets take a mediocre DIII squad - oh, say, UW-Eau Claire. I know the tallest team doesn't always win, but WNBA's Mercury has a mere 4 players over 6-0 tall, and zero players over 200 pounds. UWEC? Again, a pretty crappy D3 squad: Everyone is at least 6" (with 10 at least 6"-5") and 11 at least 200 pounds. UWEC would absolutely destroy the WNBA chanps.

After this, to make a long story short, we decided the top 10 high school squads in Wisconsin (Washington, Tosa East, Madison Memorial, Vincent, Oshkosh West, etc...) would win, also would 8 random guys from Lincoln Park in Milwaukee or James Madison park in Madison.

What's my point? I have no idea other than work is more fun to playing The Threshold Game at than doing actual work. Agree? Disagree? And wouldn't this increase you viewership of WNBA games? If the Phoenix Lesbians played Milwaukee King HS, would you watch? I would. I think this should be proposed to Mr. Stern.


  1. I didn't even know the WNBA was still around.

    The only sport women should be involed in are house cleaning and felatio.

  2. Back when I was an undergrad, I was playing at an open gym at UW's rec center (SERF). 5 chicks from the woman's basketball team showed up and were next in line for a game. My team won, so it was 5 random guys who never played together before against members of the UW woman's team. We smoked them. I can't remember anybody on our team being outstanding, it was just that they got no rebounds and couldn't work the ball inside. About the only thing they had going for them was that I was playing the point and their PG was about 10 times faster than me. However, she had no shot, so I just dropped down by the free throw line.
    So, if 5 random guys playing pick-up ball can beat members of a D-1 woman's team, I am pretty sure decent boys HS teams could beat the best woman's pro team.

    Also, solid response their Clown!

  3. What a bunch of misogynists you guys are. No wonder none of you got laid in high school. Ok, so maybe that was an unfair assumption. But really, the correct answer when approached by female cagers on the court is... "We'd love to play, but I'd hate to hurt any of you if the game gets too intense. How about we play some 'H-O-R-S-E'?"

    A chivalrous, if only slightly sexist response. Your tales on playing women on the b-ball court rival mine of playing our men's high school soccer team in a game of pad-less tackle football. Both are pathetic ways to exercise your machismo. Only mine don't come at the expense of the fairer sex.

  4. "to make a long story short" 417 words I'd hate to have to read the long version.

    apples and oranges not the same game.

  5. and for the record you had me at the first thresold.

  6. Equal rights. This is comparing basketball to basketball. How is that apples to oranges? Great question Emmett.

  7. Its apples to oranges in the same way that women and men don't compete in track or swimming events. The sport is essentially the same in terms of rules, but the physical differences between men and women make them different games altogether. Any sport where bodies can collide and physicality is involved, men overwhelmingly have the advantage. Seems like a pretty basic difference to me.

  8. I pooped in the fridge.

  9. Milk was a bad choice...